A Roller Coaster Ride known as 'My Life'

My... over a week that I did not update my blog about...
anyway.. let me just say a few things that was of significance...

I'm sure some of you are familiar with the term, 'When one door closes, another opens', right?
it's practically the same with chapters in our lives... when one ends, another one starts...
last week... one new chapter started before the earlier one ended...

first off was last week.
Abel got some of us together to practise cha cha steps for our dance performance for the coming Leo Anniversary Dinner at Eastwood Valley.
We, Iqbal, Idzuan, Ian, Roger, Kimberley, Melanie, Pamela, Ryn, Debbie, & I, started practising the dance every night since Tuesday..
It wasn't difficult and soon we were ready for our performance already.

Thursday night, after dance practise, late dinner at Sultana and a few games of pool at Cheerie Berries, I got home near midnight...
I had to finish one report that was due the very next morning.
Spent the WHOLE night finishing it.... with an accidental one hour of sleep, approximately 3-4am...
Finished and printed my report by 7.30am...
then went to campus for the usual class schedule.. minus a last minute class replacement at 12.30pm that I only found out that morning (by coincidence)...

Start the new chapter.....
That night had dance practise as well, and after that, I sent Kimberley & Ian home...
After sending the two home, I headed home... though I didn't make it home like I usually did...
Exiting a roundabout, I was driving at the right lane... which meant I was driving quite fast... 80 km/h average...
The next thing I knew, the cars in front slowed down to a halt and my brakes weren't in time to halt my car...
sigh.... head-to-tail collision was inevitable that night.... shit...
I was so shocked and in total disbelief, that I completely forgot about my own physical condition from the accident...


I was swearing and scolding myself so badly behind the wheel.
I apologized a lot to the other vehicle driver and passenger/s....
I had to call back home to tell my mother about it... my brother and brother-in-law then came over...
my brother-in-law helped took care from there, with the help of a mechanic that arrived to the scene.
the mechanic was from Kiam Hiap Motor or something like that... this workshop was familiar with repairing cars that met in accidents... it seemed from the business card alone...
Returned home really upset after that... it was clearly obvious why I would be...

I actually left the house quite upset to be left alone...
alone.. sitting against a lamp post at the side of the street, near where I lived, I contacted Abel...
I just needed to talk to someone about it... and let the stress I was feeling inside out......
Abel didn't need to say anything actually... he really just needed to listen to me as I let it out...
but he still gave his comfort to me and as much support as he could through the phone...
after that, made another long phone call to a dear friend of mine...
maybe I shouldn't have did that... now I feel like regretting phoning my friend in such a condition...
cause of that, my friend was left in a low mood the rest of the night....
So sorry....

the next morning, I had to skip dance rehearsal with the others to go take care of the police report.
The mechanic from the other night helped me take care of that...
it was soon done and all.... and I was home, after a hair cut...
I was feeling really distressed... and I couldn't bare staying at home, even though there was no one else in the house...
Iqbal got to come and pick me up to join him and some others to eat at Parkson.
Hmph.. I actually had the urge to wear sunglasses at the time, even though I was indoors... I just felt... I didn't want anyone to look into my eyes.. and noticed whatever it was I was feeling...
but my moodiness was plain obvious through my lack of interaction with the others anyway...

Besides the accident, something else had been bothering my mind a lot at the same time...
Since the Leo Anniversary Dinner (happening that night) involved dates and all, I tried to have a date with that girl...
Not that I wanted to be romantic or what... but I just wanted to end one chapter of my life and we could go on our lives as good friends.
However, she kept declining... she said she wasn't comfortable with me as her date for the dinner.
I continued insisting... but in the end, she ended up with another guy for her date for the night... probably to get back at me or what...
It really disappointed me... but I didn't take it to heart... cause after all, I wasn't gonna go for her in any romantic way anymore... so why should I feel hurt?
Came to the venue of the dinner, Eastwood Valley, with a cheery mood...
I don't know how... but I guess it might've been the whole afternoon of my mind being completely occupied by my attempts of getting a date with her...
but I came.. and I acted like as if I was my usual self...

Did mistakes during the actual dance performances... thankfully I wasn't the only one.. haha!
but what was important was that we enjoyed ourselves...
After our dance, we all just chilled and enjoyed the rest of the night.
There were some prizes given away... and some couple games that were played....
Hiew & Kimberley that came as a date, won grand prize of the couple games... and now Kimerbley owns a VERY beautiful white gold necklace.

Congratulations, Kimberley!
Sad that Hiew didn't get anything from it though... hahaa... no prize for the gentleman...
Better luck next time!


Near the end of the night, it was the 'slow dance session'..
I didn't get the date with the girl, but I got to dance with her, and it was fine enough for me.
I told her what I wanted to tell her; that I was fine now, that I could finally let her go, and that I decided to be just good friends with her.
And that was the closure of the most highlighted chapter of my whole life.


With the end of the old chapter and the progress of the new one, the next event came as a complete shock to me.
The girl had decided to not talk to me at all!
Blocked me on MSN, wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't reply my smses and e-mails...
I was practically panicking... She wouldn't tell me what was happening, why she was doing this, etc, etc.. I was practically desperate at the time...
I really lost myself at the time.... and said many things that I terribly regret saying to her in those smses...
I was hurt... lost... afraid... desperate... so I acted out of fear, I supposed.

This went on throughout most of the next day.... which was today... September 28th... which was also my birthday...
Happy Birthday? It sure didn't felt joyful...
I felt cold everywhere I went and whoever I met... I just couldn't get her off my mind...
Not that I am in love with her in that way.. I already told her over and over how much I still cared about her, like a little sister...
and to have someone, whom you care for so much, to do something like this to you, is terribly frightening...
I sent smses after smses.. but she never replied any of them...
It was until mid-afternoon that she finally sent me one sms, one sentence... telling me what she was doing...
Sigh.... it was such a huge relief that I think my mind shut down for a while cause of that... took me a while to just replied what I wanted to say...

Lil sis,

I'm sorry for being so selfish as-of-late. I don't want to bother justifying what I did, cause it won't change a thing. I'll just say that I did them cause I was being both selfish and caring at the same time. I don't know how you think that is possible, that's how I was acting at the time.

I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable and even suffocated cause of me.

As I promise, I won't bother you anymore. I'll give you the space that you want. I only want you to remember that I'll always be here if you ever need me.... And I'll be waiting til the time you finally feel more comfortable with me.

Take good care of yourself, all right?

tiang.

Anyway... back to my birthday...
after that relieving message... I felt so much better.
Besides that, had quite a good day minus that little event..
Smses came in wishing my 'Happy Birthday'...
Friends shouting 'Happy Birthday' at me... even on MSN...
And I received 16 testimonial on Friendster just wishing me 'Happy Birthday'...
haha... I don't often get such attention.. but it felt good to know they care...

Love & Compatibility Horoscope Libra

Found this somewhere in Multiply... Nice... Thanks, johnsonkeh.
Horoscopes never really hit bull's eye for me... but it's interested what they say about myself...


Love horoscope Libra
(24 September - 23 October)

Love horoscope Libra highlights the importance of marriage. This sign, more than others, needs a stable alliance for a happy life.

Libra is a kind of bridge between an intellectually-oriented Virgo and Scorpio, guided by emotional desires. This is a suspension bridge, however, that is swaying to and fro. It means poor energy, a lack of physical power. Love horoscope Libra foresees heath problems in old age. Though, they may not be very serious.

Libra is not likely to love from the first sight; they don’t put intimacy on the front burner.

Libra is sentimental, simply can’t but be a tender lover. A need to be approved in society may make them prefer a pretty face or a well-established social status to deep emotions and love compatibility. They marry only partly for love and partly for convenience.

Love horoscope Libra emphasizes such qualities of this sign as tolerance, ability to get along with anybody and to appeal to anyone.

Libra is agreeable and sociable. Their body lacks wild instincts; their imagination should be supported by striking pictures or even pornography. They do their best not to be alone and to be able to communicate with people.

A Libra woman is tender and charming, may get along with any man, her self-denial may even turn into masochism. She is an ideal helpmate, finding happiness in her husband’s success. But she may abandon her affection if she doesn’t feel that she is loved. She consoles herself quickly with a new romance.

A Libra man doesn’t make a conqueror of himself, he expects a woman to make the first step. If a woman doesn’t initiate a relation, he feels himself out of place and rejected. He gives up and begins to look for happiness otherwise.

Libra is inclined to seduce anyone any time, being completely sure he is wanted and is the center of attention of the partner.

You won’t probably find a more charming, generous and tolerant lover. In case of unlucky love experience, Libra becomes somber and cold. It’s easy to influence him. Love horoscope Libra stipulates that a man of this sign relies upon a woman in his success and business goals.

A man and also a woman may be hesitating to choose one love between two affections that may seem both equally necessary. Sometimes they try to combine two infatuations all their life and to make both objects of love simple friends.

To make a choice Libra should learn to love deeply, to take a decision, guided by feelings and emotions.

The most compatible with this sign are Aries, Leo, Aquarius, Gemini. Love horoscope Libra advises to avoid Cancer and Capricorn.



Compatibility horoscope Libra
(September, 24 - October, 23)

LIBRA - ARIES : Tension between these two signs aggravates the relation. Aries is persistent and tireless, while Libra is looking for perfection and needs more stable and calm partners. A radical difference in temperaments causes constant quarrels. However, sexual relations should go smoothly. Compatibility horoscope Libra foresees a lovely bed and a dull every day life. A relationship is quite possible, while marriage is most improbable.


LIBRA - TAURUS : Taurus is too materialistic for romantic Libra. Soon Taurus will suffer from strong jealousy. But physically they are a good match and that helps. Libra is reasonable, agreeable and can get along with persistent and arrogant Taurus. However, Libra is not always faithful to his partner, and Taurus may loose his temper because of that. Compatibility horoscope Libra mentions that this love game will bring much pleasure, but a more long union is counter-indicative.

LIBRA - GEMINI : It’s difficult for both of them to manage their passions. If love makes the earth go round, this couple gives the first incentive. It’s an ideal partnership. Both are passionate and neither of them is jealous or is trying to limit the freedom of the other. They have a lot of common traits of character and they understand each other perfectly in bed. This is a wonderful romance and a happy married couple.

LIBRA -CANCER : Cancer may be too criticizing, especially regarding extravagant Libra. Cancer is homebody, while Libra is keen on traveling. Cancer is practical and economical. Libra is impulsive and adores anything that can be bought in exchange for money. Sensitive and trusting Cancer will be offended by unfaithfulness and light-mindedness of Libra. Compatibility horoscope Libra speaks about an acceptable relationship and a rather bad marriage.

LIBRA - LEO : Both meet the requirements and desires of each other. Leo is passionate, Libra is emotional, and both are crazy about sex. All the time in bed will be a happy holiday. In case of a conflict Libra should give in. It won’t be any difficulty, as Libra is ready to cooperate. Ideological weapon of Libra is a good strategy and tact. A hot relationship may grow into a rather warm marriage.

LIBRA -VIRGO : Virgo lives according to strict rules, while Libra is quite a different person. Their characters are also incompatible in many other factors. Virgo is materialistic and more interested in money than in sex. Libra finds it inadmissible. Virgo may also be grumpy and boring with dictatorial inclinations. Libra won’t stand it and will be looking for approval outside. Compatibility horoscope Libra doubts about a successful relationship and forecasts a complicated marriage.

LIBRA - LIBRA : They are equally passionate to each other. They have much in common. Both are cheerful, easy-going, responsible, dependable, love harmony and beauty. But when a severe reality interferes, nobody wants to come down to earth. This love affair may be a bit ecstatic. A romantic relationship may exist, but marriage needs maturity and a more practical approach.

LIBRA - SCORPIO : Scorpio is too jealous for light-hearted Libra. He can’t stand even a small flirting. Libra is careless in sex and that makes Scorpio perplexed. Scorpio should dominate, while Libra should obey him. There is a deep attraction between them, but they may split up at any time. Compatibility horoscope Libra predicts a hot and fierce relationship and marriage.

LIBRA - SAGITTARIUS : Sagittarius loves adventures, so Libra won’t ever get bored with him. Sagittarius will be indifferent to some small romances of Libra. They match each other in sex. The problem is that Sagittarius has a bent for change and independence. Libra needs a stable partner and a warm house atmosphere. If they manage to overcome these differences, there is a chance of a short or a long-lasting relationship.

LIBRA - CAPRICORN : Capricorn experiences a strong physical desire towards Libra. Besides, his willing to earn money appeals to Libra. But Libra is lazy and that irritates Capricorn, who got used to working without rest. Capricorn is sensibly practical and that grates upon Libra. However, Capricorn won’t approve of Libra, always eager to move in society. They are too much incompatible to be happy together. The relationship will end rapidly.

LIBRA - AQUARIUS : It must be a brilliant match. In this life full of adventures Libra is waiting for guidance and advice from Aquarius. Both adore socializing and taking part in public affairs. They have lots of friends, but don’t forget about their private interests. They will have the greatest time of love, even before reaching the bedroom. Compatibility horoscope Libra promises a sensitive relationship and a good marriage.

LIBRA - PISCES : A difficult combination. Kindness, sensitiveness and faithfulness of Pisces appeal to Libra. But Pisces are not eager to dominate, while Libra is not ready to play the leading role in the relationship. Libra gets tired of the desire of Pisces to rely upon somebody. Pisces doesn’t approve of a wide range of interests peculiar to Libra. If Libra becomes quarrelsome, Pisces lose heart. Are you upset? Yes, you are, probably. And this is how a serious relationship and a marriage will look like.



Original site here ---> http://horoscopes.syl.com/lovehoroscopes

The Closure of My 'Love Never To Be' Chapter

I wanna tell all of you readers something... Something that has been going on in my life for a very long time.
Some of you might have known or at least suspected, that I was in love with someone.
I'm dedicating this blog to her. It just seems so hard to tell her all of this, in person.
Things just seemed to keep coming up and made me unable to tell her everything that goes or went on in my head all this while.
So, the best way for me to do that is blog about it, cause I'm sure she'll eventually get to read this, and then she'll finally know everything that I've been feeling or thinking all those while.
I just felt that she should know them.... before I close this chapter of my life.


I fell for you for the past two and a half months, did you ever realise that? Felt like a whole lot longer for me.
It's amazing really for me. It's a whole new record. All my past crushes never lasted past a month. I don't know why, but the relationship between you and I were different... different than any that I've ever had in my life.

During all this time that I've tried to be closer to you, we've had our ups and many downs.
I've always been so annoying to you, huh?
But then again, I've always got to feel your stinging coldness, too.
I've always tried to show you how much I cared about you, but often times, you just brushed me off so quickly. Then again, maybe it's just cause of the plain fact that I'm such an annoying person.
You always said that I couldn't handle you, if we ever got into a relationship. Maybe that's true, but so far I know, I've always been able to endure you. No matter how hurtful you sometimes were to me, I still wanted to be with you all the same.
It's hurts a lot, to think that the person you cared about so so much, doesn't care about you in the same way. Honestly, that's how I felt a lot of times, and yet I still held on.


Speaking of holding on, how many times have I tried to stop being close to you, but yet still held on to that feeling? Five? Four? Haha, I've lost count already along the way.
I'm still quite amazed that I fell for you so much. I guess you can say this is the first time I actually felt how it is like to fall deep in love with someone.
You were a first for a lot of things for me, as I told you before...

First girl I couldn't let go off so easily.
First girl I've gotten so close with all my life.
First girl that got me to feel so much hurt until at some points, it just felt numb in my heart.
First girl that I've 'chased' for so long; two and a half months.
First girl that I keep chatting with online until very late at night, practically every night.
First girl that I keep 'sms'ing with practically every day.
First girl to ever said that she missed me out of the blue.
First girl that I've ever had such a complicated relationship with.
First girl that my friends actually kept teasing me about.
First girl that I had to 'fight' so hard over with.
There's probably some more firsts, but I just can't think of them right now.

Speaking of 'fighting' over her, maybe I know the reason why I kept holding on to you so strongly. 'Cause of all the 'competition' I had to put up with for your affection.
One love triangle, two ex's... few more admirers... You've NO idea how popular you are, girl. Haha!
You have that effect. Haha. Boys regret letting you go. Other boys are so easily attracted to you for some reason. Could be that personality of yours. Boys probably find your personality very attractive. *Shrugs*
I don't know if I'm just feeling too proud of myself or what, but I just felt that I was the closest to you in this 'competition'.
Maybe I'm terribly wrong and just... 'perasan' too much.
But either way, I'm still glad that I got to be close to you.


Remember last night when we got to dance together at Eastwood Valley.
I finally got to tell you that "I loveD you."
And you were like... "I don't know whether I should be glad or insulted!"
Haha. You this, girl.
I'm very grateful that you agreed to dance with me. I needed it.
I would've been happier if you had accepted to be my date for last night, but fine.
Recently, we gotten quite tense and more uncomfortable with one another. I knew for sure both of us didn't want that to continue.
That's why I asked for one date and one dance. I just wanted the night with you so that I could close this chapter of my life and then we can be good friends after.
But you were so reluctant to accept me as your date, despite how persistent I was to keep asking you.
I wonder how many messages I sent you yesterday, just to beg you to be my date. But you never agreed, still.
I felt somewhat disappointed, but I never held any grudge, whatsoever at you for that decision.
At least, you granted me one dance that night. I was very happy for that.


We had our arguments. We upset one another. I annoyed you in several occasions. You disappointed me in several occasions.
But despite all that, we always were still able to stay as good friends, which I still can't quite think of how we did it... but we did.


I loved you a lot in those times, and maybe I still hold some hope of a chance of a relationship with you, honestly. But at least I don't hold it like as if it'd be the end of my life if I don't.

I would've done anything to see you happy. And actually... I still do and will.

I cared about you a lot all these while, and I still do just as much, no matter what.

You can still tell me anything.



Always remember that...




ADDED: I forget to add. This girl...
Whoever the guy that ends up with you...
I'll tell you... from the bottom of my honest heart... The guy is one lucky fellow.
But that guy had better be able to make you happy. That's all I want in the guy that gets to your heart.

Take care, girl.
Love you,
tiang

A $20 Lesson

A well-known speaker started off his
seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to
one of you but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple up the $20
dollar bill. He then asked,
"Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground and
started to grind it into the floor
with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went up in the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very
valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you
still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped,
crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or what
will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still priceless to those,
who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what
we do or who we know,

but by WHO WE ARE.

You are special...

Don't EVER forget it."

If you do not pass this on,
you may never know the lives it touches,
the hurting hearts it speaks to,
or the hope that it can bring.

Count your blessings, not your problems.


And remember:
amateurs built the ark...

professionals built the Titanic.



If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.

Pass this message to those you know
needs this gentle reminder that they are..


.. indeed..


.. God's love and child!

---------------------------------
Zack @ Tiang's comment:
This is a very nice one.
See?
If the message is meaningful and worth some value, people will gladly forward it.
Don't curse people with mistfortune just so that some useless/pointless/waste of time and space is forwarded, only to cause an unnecessary cycle of nuisance.

Know the truth, everyone.
Those posts that say you're gonna die or have some misfortune, or even your love is gonna come to you or some love miracle will happen...
Trust me.. They never happened, as scary or desireable as they seem.


Do your part.


Stop forwarding the meaningless chains...



Cause when the forwarding stops...




..So does the chain.

I wish I was missed... :'(

Have u ever missed someone and felt
terrible because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?

Missing someone is a terrible but at the
same time, sweet feeling.
U will be sitting around wondering if u
meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings
hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she
will surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but
thinking of him missing the final episode
of your favourite show.

Laying on your bed, thinking of the last
time u wen out together.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under
the stars again, talking about everything,
your dreams, plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see
him/her online.

When u realise that he/she isn't online and
did not return your page, u will start
worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i
guess.
It exposes u to loneliness.
It teaches u how to cope with being lonely
and let u know that there is actually
a feeling known as emptiness.

Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.
U know that u really care and u indulge
in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.

But missing someone and not knowing if
he/she is feeling the same is terrible.
U feel as if u are being left alone.

So if u miss someone, tell him/her and
let them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss u.

Don't let the feeling of missing someone
become jealousy or paranoid.
If u are the one being missed and u know
it, let the other party know.

If u miss him/her too, tell them.

Don't let them wait.

- Friendster Bulletin Board, 21/09/2005

My Nurvana rises...

I don know how to start this blog off...

Is this a new sense arising in me?
Has a new experience come unto me?
Have I found a whole new perspective to how I see my life?

I don know... I just feel........... something've changed inside me.
And heck, I just felt like talking about it!
But be warned... following this blog entry, there will consist of things that may seem offensive.
So I apologize beforehand if you do feel offended by my entry....



But this is me.
_________________________

Just earlier tonight I went to this, 'Night of Fire' concert that featured performances by the Planetshakers and Matt, who's a junior Pastor somewhere at Down Under...
For some of you that don't know... this was a Christian's sort of concert, to celebrate Jesus and give praise to Him and stuffs.
Don't get me mistaken! I was born a Buddhist, and I shall not celebrate or praise Jesus in any way, unless I got to convert myself to Christianity, which I doubt I'll do (anytime soon, if ever)...
I got to know of this concert from Kimberley. Initially, I didn't think so much about it.
However, as time drew closer to the concert, I suddenly felt the urge to go. A desire to witness it.
I wasn't so sure of why I would want to...

Was I intrigued by how Christians show their faith to their Lord, since I went to the Free2Be concert last month?
Or was it cause of that significant someone that was going there?
I wasn't sure of why this desire in me was there, but I decided to follow this intuition of mine.

At first, I feared I might not be able to make it, cause before I only knew Kimberley would be going, along with her brother Aaron, cousin Greg and friend Derek.
She couldn't offer me a ride to the concert. And I feared that I would not be allowed to drive to Mega Hotel for that event.
But then, I noticed that Fate or God had been pulling some strings in my favour that I never asked for.
The door that led me to this event opened to me when I was given the permission to drive for myself today.
I was quite looking forward to it too.

After having dinner at Fratini's Restaurant (near Court Mammoth) with my family, I drove off to Mega Hotel, went up to the 4th floor and to the Ballroom, where I was greeted by the sight of crowded people that included the concert's many committee members wearing black.
I entered the Ballroom, with an expectation no more than what I witnessed at the Free2Be concert.
I had initially planned to surprise Kimberley that I made it, but when I saw all of the crowd, I soon realised it wasn't going to work for me.
And indeed it didn't when Derek spotted me first.. haha!
Anyway, besides Kimberley, Derek, Aaron & Greg, there were a lot of others that I saw that I knew...
Michelle, Sabrina, Evangeline, Oiwoja, Azie, Giegel, Justin, and a lot more!

The concert started of with a few song performances by the music band from Australia, Planetshakers.
The songs sang at the time.... kind of struck something in me... I don know how... I don know why...
Then, I just felt that... something is different about this...
Then, Matt, the special speaker for the event, took over the microphone.
When he started his talk, that was when I realised something that I've not realised all this time.
The rest of the night, I felt something different in my thoughts. No words can explain what it was.... then again... I can barely explain what happened to myself.
During the concert, I felt I could trust the Almighty One more. That I could believe in It to guide me through my life and help me through my struggles.

Before, I questioned God and all whatever religions. I was never even into my own religion. I barely understood Buddhism. I never even knew what I was supposed to be praying about when in a temple.
Pray for fortune? Luck? Good health? A partner? My desires??
Before, I had this idea that God isn't as great or good as everyone believed It to be. That It never cared about our good or bad. That It only created us and watched what happened.
I even had the idea that God may have just created us for Its own entertainment. Watching the ups and downs of our variable lives.

Might it surprise you, though, that I do 'talk' to God?
However, I didn't talk to It like how those devoted religious people do.
I didn't close my eyes and lower my head and pray to It.
I didn't chant some mumbo jumbo stuffs to get connected with It.
I didn't do anything to feel Its presence.
All I did... was look straight up, and talk, like as if It's just right there... looking down at me.
I treated It like as if It was just any other human... except with an omnipotent power that is unmatched to anything human imagination can picture.
What did I 'talk' to God about?
............. Frankly anything that was on my mind and thought that It should hear it from my mouth.
My love life, how I should go on with my life, even how badly It was treating me..
I didn't treat God as my friend or my enemy. It was always on the line between that, maybe once in a while stepping a bit to one of the sides.


Recently, I got to realise, that I've not been 'talking' to God.
Then again... why would I?
I believed only I handle my life, neither God nor Fate.
I believed that I'll decide what I wanna do with my life. That I'll decide what was right and wrong for me. That I'll decide what was sin/bad karma/dosa. And that I'll decide my path of life.
Nothing and no one else will decide any of that for me. They can only effect my decision/s, not make them.
....... Maybe that's why I've been acting so... high of myself.
I thought what I have done was right and that it couldn't have been any wrong.
But I guess at some degrees... what I thought had its flaws.

During the concert, when Matt spoke of his talk... that something that struck me inside, made me realise all of this.
When I knew what I've realised, I decided to change my perspective.

"I need You more than ever,
I'm thristy for the touch of Heaven,
Jesus, don't passed me by."

That was one verse from one of the songs that were sang throughout the concert.
Without any motive to offend or anything... but I changed it a little for myself.

"I need You more than ever,
I'm thirsty for the touch of Heaven,
My God, don't passed me by."

When all the other Christians in the audience raised their hands to praise their Lord, I raised mine straight high up, my palm facing straight for the sky... in hopes to feel the sense of My God...
I would probably never know if It did reach for my hand, but I definitely felt the strain in my outstretched arm for being in the position for so long. But I kept holding it up anyway!

After the event, I didn't realise it immediately, but there was a sense of renewed energy coursing through me.
When I was in the bathroom for my shower, before I started, I stopped to 'talk' to My God.
I raised my hand as I did before and declared...

"I've never thought of You in that way.
I've never treated You in that sense.
But now I feel that I should and will.
You are the Almighty... the Omnipotent... the One...
You are My God."

That was basically what I declared...
Bathroom is one of the GREATEST places to rethink, reorganise your thoughts. Maybe i'll talk about that another time....

My God is no different from your God though. It isn't a new one, and I ain't starting a new religion or cult.
Cause, what I believe, everyone in the whole world worship the same ONE GOD, just that God was perceived differently by different cultures.
If it was not God Itself, that they were worshipping, then it must be of some relations with God Itself. Like Jesus, 'His' Son... Maybe Buddha was a nephew or another son of God..
Haha! I would never know!
Some of my beliefs never changed though.
Like the sin/bad karma/dosa of my belief, the ultimate one is still being inconsiderate of other living beings in this world.

I felt the renewed energy after my declaration.
I felt the change of perspective in my thought.
I felt the sign that things are definitely gonna change for me.
And that it'd be for the better.
I don't know how, or why..... but I just do.

Maybe that explains the urge before...
Maybe My God wanted this for me.
Maybe It wanted me to realise all this.
Maybe that's why It pulled some strings in my favour to come to this event.

Either way... this was the result.
This is the outcome.
This is me!

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

This quiz was nice and all... But I think it ain't so effective?
I tried for the other answers.... and they all seem to match me in some way..
This proves that the answers of this quiz are to general, hence why people think they are accurate...
my opinion of this quiz, anyway.

Not a good way to start a day..

Man... what a way to start off my day today... hmph....
Embarassing to say.... I nearly cried this morning... ahha...
for a moment there, I nearly started to cry....
There goes the secret... haha...

Was listening to this song, while driving...
put it to keep repeating this song even...
Thoughts after thoughts kept going through my mind....
I drove slowly to prevent myself from being too careless on the road and possibly getting into an accident.
Then.. all of a sudden... listening through the song while my mind still continued thinking so much... tears just began welling up in my eyes....
I thought I was going to cry further... but when it neared the end... it stopped welling up...
How ironic that I had my sunglasses on, so I couldn't see my own eyes in the mirror... heh...


Rick Price - Heaven Knows

She's always on my mind,
From the time I wake up
'Till I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

'Though she's so far away
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

Refrain:
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine

(Repeat Refrain then Chorus)

Coda:
Why I live in despair
'Cause while awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all these time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so?

Chorus

Heaven knows...


..... too much personal connection with this song...

Was today a bad day? or a good day??

Man... what a day I had today.... sheesh..
Let me update on a few of my other days first....

Monday, the day after the Curtin Carnival event. back to school already.. sigh...
anyway.... the day time was pretty much the usual... spent heck of a lot of my time at the Student Council room.. nothing else to do...
Had a meeting at 8pm that night... the Student Council General Meeting.. this meeting was regarding the Student Council Constitution that is practically the law that the Student Council follows and abides to...
this meeting require the attendance of at least 100 students, to act as a forum to discuss on any changes to the constitution...
However, turned out that only some of the Student Council members showed up, along with the Returning Officer, Mr. Johannes Hermann..
So he and Benet, our President, decided to do this meeting in another date.... next week, Wednesday, 21st September, 2005... from 3.30-4.30pm.
Please join this meeting, all is invited! We need the students' help and support so as the future Student Council can be more efficient in their work!!

Tuesday... another usual day on campus.. except the heck boring afternoon/evening that I waited aimlessly in the Student Council (SC) room til that night...
What was going on?
Benet was inviting all Student Council members to a dinner at Cafe Rosita of Dynasty Hotel, Student Council's treat.
I presumed this happens practically once a year or not at all... so I was definitely not gonna miss this chance..
And I sure didn't regret my decision, despite the heck boring hours I spent sleeping and waiting at the SC room..
The food at Cafe Rosita was delicious.. despite the expensive prices, the dishes were worth it!
Abel, who was the SC Advisor/Independant Chairperson was also there to join us for dinner.
Our table had loads of laughs. My gosh, I swear Havinesh, Kimmy & Nicholas had their food drugged or something! They were so high!! At least Ah Voon was still all right, though his jokes were hilarious. haha!

Wednesday.. no class at all the whole day, so thought to just stay at home...
Spent the whole day online.... I had nothing else better to do at home all the time... no games to play... just the computer and the internet to entertain me...
Got to watch 'Longest Yard' which included Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Nelly (the rapper), Steve Austin & Goldberg in its cast. It was a nice movie... enjoyed it.
Online for the whole for a heck of a long time.. haha...

Thursday... today... here comes the day...
First........ overslept but thanks to my brother, I was able to make it to class without being late... though I had to skip breakfast and have only a quick shower.
Second.... my Engineering Communications 100 group wanted to have a interview with Dr. Rosslyn regarding the topic we were researching on... but no appointment was made, so it was too late to make one... besides, not all of my group members were available to come for the interview...
at least, Wani, Jenny, Victor & I got to discuss on some of our other works... namely the Report Outline that we need prepared by tomorrow....
Third, had a problem with my Engineering & Professional Studies 100. My group for the Spot Speed studies assignment was wrong!
I was so frustrated at the lecturer... but then again, I knew it was my fault that this happened. What kept my frustrated was cause the lecturer was somewhat reluctant to change my grouping. but in the end, I understood what his reason was.
and then again, thankfully the group that I was registered to had handed up their report (without my name on it).. so i was moved to the group that I was in and had been working with for this assignment... PHEW!!
I thanked the One above for that.

That wasn't it for today though...
Reaching home from campus... I was immediately greeted with a frustrated mother... caused of this morning's waking up problem I had...
Now she forbids me to stay up (especially online) pass 11pm...
Fine with me.... I decided to do so for a while.... I need my sleep... haha...

So.... tell me... has today been a bad day? or a good day?
After reading all that, you'd probably say I'd a good day.
Guess I should be quite thankful then. ^_^

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky. Like mother nature, you want to help everyone. You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive. A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker. You are good natured and people enjoy your company. You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

A couple of COOL dancing music videos

Got to found a couple of nice dancing music videos..
I like the videos cause of the dancing... but I also like them cause of the singers and the song.. very nice.

Music Video Codes by FreeVideoCodes.com
Lyrics provided here ---> Ciara - Oh

Music Video Codes by FreeVideoCodes.com
Incomplete Lyrics provided here ---> Missy Elliot - Lose Control

Amusing facts

In the 1400's, a law was set forth that a man was not
allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his
thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
----------
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented.
It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...
and thus the word GOLF entered into the English
language.
----------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime
time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
----------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
----------
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
----------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed
frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the
mattress tightened,making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase........."good night, sleep tight."
----------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years
ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's
father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead
he could drink. Mead is a honey wine and because
their calendar was lunar-based, this period was called
the honey month which we know today as the honeymoon.
----------
In Olde English pubs, ale was ordered by pints and
quarts. When customers got unruly, the bartender
would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and
settle down." It's where we got the phrase "mind
your P's and Q's".
----------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a
whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic
cups. When they needed a refill, they used the
whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the
phrase inspired by this practice.
----------
Don't delete the following just because it looks
weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
" I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht order the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and
lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig eh?"
----------
AND FINALLY
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick
their elbow.

The day of Curtin Carnival 2005

Sigh... Curtin Carnival has finally came and now it has gone.
Man... what a day...

Woke up more than half an hour after 5.30am, which was the time i thought to wake up.
Showered, breakfast, drove to pick Ian & LC up and then arrive campus...
Still had time before our appointed time to meet with the rest, so we just waited outside the library, where we were to meet the rets.

Opening ceremony began after 9am... speeches, dances, confetti bursting, etc...
Big hoo-haa at the time!
after the opening ceremony, our MCs for the day took over the mic while the carnival went on.
I immediately took a look at every stall there was.
haha.. one occasion, at the Leo's stall, Jenny just pulled me to the stall and kept insisting me to buy something from there.
I kept saying 'later, later, later'... but she kept insisting, so I made a promise to her that lunch time I'll buy the macaroni from their stall. that satisfied her.
that wasn't it though... some time later.. I came back to the stall.. saw Diana there.. she was also a member of Leo.
She suddenly just came to me, grabbed me and pulled me to the stall, insisting me to buy something....
Deja vu, anyone? haha!

There were a few special events that went on as the carnival progressed.
One was the Wireless LAN Workshop at 11am. It basically introduces what Wireless LAN is and includes how one can install one at home.
another was the Curtin Music Fest at 12pm. Some music bands that included Curtin students and outside Curtin bands were there to perform.
Such as Ravera Hill, Last Minute to Climax, Promise Ruin and a few more!
Last one was the Effective Googling Workshop at 1pm. This workshop is basically about teaching how to use the Google search engine more effectively for studies and such.

At 3pm, was the lucky draw session, the moment that everyone had been waiting for.
there were several prizes given away, including four large hampers and of course, the Apple iPod Mini.
I didn't win any.. which I don't mind too much, though it would've been nice...
I would prefer the hampers than the iPod... 4 gigs of space for songs only seems pretty useless for me. maybe could just sell it off.. shrugs...
I was hoping that Benet would win the iPod himself.. .he SO wanted it... with all the work he's done for Curtin, I honestly felt he should be rewarded in kind... but seems that fate did not see it in that way.
After the lucky draw, the Curtin Carnival was over. The Lucky draw was the closing ceremony for the event.
We, Student Council and most of the CV members, worked to help clear up the place.
It took us a while.. but we finally were done in an hour's time.

Most of everyone else had already gone on off... while I stuck around longer.. some of the Student Council members were still around at the Student Council room, so stayed and rested there in the nice air-conditioned room on the nice comfy sofa...
We were all tired but very satisfied with the day. Not to mention, with all the heavy rains and storms going on earlier this week, today's weather had been extremely well-behaved.
Benet seemed very satisfied with the day... and he planned that we, Student Council members go to have a nice dinner at Dynasty Hotel or somewhere some time soon.
Haha! Great!

Sigh... slightly bruised my right knee after an accident happened while we were dancing... haha...
still hurts... but it's nothing that won't stay for so long.
Pretty tired.. eyes were burning heck lot and just wanted to shut down on me while driving back home... haha....
But I had a great day today... it was fun...

Curtin Carnival setup...

Oh my gosh!! This week had been such a jam-packed week for me!!
as I mentioned to some people before.. it's like, every hour of my days had been filled with something to do or to take care of...
this week had been solely dedicated to prepoare for the Curtin Carnival 2005, coming this Sunday, September 11th. (Nice day, isn't it?)
Been having to need to do this, do that... dance practise, venue preparations, meetings here & there, classes, etc... SIGH!

This year's Curtin Carnival, I feel, is gonna be big and very successful, compared to the past two.
Our Student Council President, Benet really worked and planned hard to make this event a very successful one.
he's not only been working hard for this event.. he's also been working hard for everything else in Curtin since he took up the President's seat.
His contribution to make Curtin better is overwhelming.
I really find it hard to predict who is going to be able to follow up the role of President after Benet.

Anyway... more things to be done tomorrow, Saturday, a day before the event itself. Venue preparations and some more dance practise.
Oh yeah, let me just explain a little of what this Curtin Carnival is all about.

Curtin Carnival is an event when clubs and other student organisations open stalls to sell a variety of things, from food to souvenirs to even tattoos. Some of the clubs may even open up a game booth.
To buy the things, you'll need the 'Carnival currency' as it can be considered... small booklets of coupons that are worth RM10 each.
To obtain the booklet, you may look for your respective clubs or student organisations that is participating in this event or look for the Student Council for some. Each booklet cost RM10, no more, no less. (Booklets will be sold on the day itself as well)
Besides just being the 'currency' of the event.. on the cover, there're numbers on it. Tear it off and have it submitted, and you will stand a chance to a Lucky Draw to win great prizes, which includes an Apple iPod Mini.
Definitely something that I've gotten to know a lot of people who wants that iPod... including myself, actually.. haha!

Besides these stalls, there'll be workshops happening at the same time as well.
This year, two workshops are going to happen. One is about Wireless (LAN) Network and the other is on Google and how to use it effectively for your studies.
This two workshops I'm pretty attracted to... So planning to go for them on the day.
Karaoke sessions are available as well, where it is free of charge to go up and sing.
Besides that, this year, there'll be band performances as well, inconjunction to the Music Fest that is happening, organised by the Curtin Music Club.

To start off such a big event, there'll be an opening ceremony.
There is of course the uisual specially invited guests, dances to hype things up, etc.
CV! is mainly the one taking care of this part of the whole event. Hence all the dance practises we're having.

I honestly can't wait to see how everything is going to be on that day. Hehe.

Back in Miri...

Phew... back in Miri... after one whole week of holiday at Kuala Lumpur...
but I'm lazy to update my blog.. hahah! :P

Plus... the photos of my trip have not been developed... I think I'll have them developed... scanned... then uploaded online.. and then finally used in my blog entry of that holiday of mine...

so just be patient... I doubt it's gonna be that soon.

SOOOO much to write about!!

heheh! But bottom line... I'm glad to be back in Miri...
back to my home turf...
and back to all my friends back in Curtin...

only thing that I'm not enjoying about being back in Miri..... is my study... -_-

BUT anyway! That's my life! Gotta live with it!