A Roller Coaster Ride known as 'My Life'

My... over a week that I did not update my blog about...
anyway.. let me just say a few things that was of significance...

I'm sure some of you are familiar with the term, 'When one door closes, another opens', right?
it's practically the same with chapters in our lives... when one ends, another one starts...
last week... one new chapter started before the earlier one ended...

first off was last week.
Abel got some of us together to practise cha cha steps for our dance performance for the coming Leo Anniversary Dinner at Eastwood Valley.
We, Iqbal, Idzuan, Ian, Roger, Kimberley, Melanie, Pamela, Ryn, Debbie, & I, started practising the dance every night since Tuesday..
It wasn't difficult and soon we were ready for our performance already.

Thursday night, after dance practise, late dinner at Sultana and a few games of pool at Cheerie Berries, I got home near midnight...
I had to finish one report that was due the very next morning.
Spent the WHOLE night finishing it.... with an accidental one hour of sleep, approximately 3-4am...
Finished and printed my report by 7.30am...
then went to campus for the usual class schedule.. minus a last minute class replacement at 12.30pm that I only found out that morning (by coincidence)...

Start the new chapter.....
That night had dance practise as well, and after that, I sent Kimberley & Ian home...
After sending the two home, I headed home... though I didn't make it home like I usually did...
Exiting a roundabout, I was driving at the right lane... which meant I was driving quite fast... 80 km/h average...
The next thing I knew, the cars in front slowed down to a halt and my brakes weren't in time to halt my car...
sigh.... head-to-tail collision was inevitable that night.... shit...
I was so shocked and in total disbelief, that I completely forgot about my own physical condition from the accident...


I was swearing and scolding myself so badly behind the wheel.
I apologized a lot to the other vehicle driver and passenger/s....
I had to call back home to tell my mother about it... my brother and brother-in-law then came over...
my brother-in-law helped took care from there, with the help of a mechanic that arrived to the scene.
the mechanic was from Kiam Hiap Motor or something like that... this workshop was familiar with repairing cars that met in accidents... it seemed from the business card alone...
Returned home really upset after that... it was clearly obvious why I would be...

I actually left the house quite upset to be left alone...
alone.. sitting against a lamp post at the side of the street, near where I lived, I contacted Abel...
I just needed to talk to someone about it... and let the stress I was feeling inside out......
Abel didn't need to say anything actually... he really just needed to listen to me as I let it out...
but he still gave his comfort to me and as much support as he could through the phone...
after that, made another long phone call to a dear friend of mine...
maybe I shouldn't have did that... now I feel like regretting phoning my friend in such a condition...
cause of that, my friend was left in a low mood the rest of the night....
So sorry....

the next morning, I had to skip dance rehearsal with the others to go take care of the police report.
The mechanic from the other night helped me take care of that...
it was soon done and all.... and I was home, after a hair cut...
I was feeling really distressed... and I couldn't bare staying at home, even though there was no one else in the house...
Iqbal got to come and pick me up to join him and some others to eat at Parkson.
Hmph.. I actually had the urge to wear sunglasses at the time, even though I was indoors... I just felt... I didn't want anyone to look into my eyes.. and noticed whatever it was I was feeling...
but my moodiness was plain obvious through my lack of interaction with the others anyway...

Besides the accident, something else had been bothering my mind a lot at the same time...
Since the Leo Anniversary Dinner (happening that night) involved dates and all, I tried to have a date with that girl...
Not that I wanted to be romantic or what... but I just wanted to end one chapter of my life and we could go on our lives as good friends.
However, she kept declining... she said she wasn't comfortable with me as her date for the dinner.
I continued insisting... but in the end, she ended up with another guy for her date for the night... probably to get back at me or what...
It really disappointed me... but I didn't take it to heart... cause after all, I wasn't gonna go for her in any romantic way anymore... so why should I feel hurt?
Came to the venue of the dinner, Eastwood Valley, with a cheery mood...
I don't know how... but I guess it might've been the whole afternoon of my mind being completely occupied by my attempts of getting a date with her...
but I came.. and I acted like as if I was my usual self...

Did mistakes during the actual dance performances... thankfully I wasn't the only one.. haha!
but what was important was that we enjoyed ourselves...
After our dance, we all just chilled and enjoyed the rest of the night.
There were some prizes given away... and some couple games that were played....
Hiew & Kimberley that came as a date, won grand prize of the couple games... and now Kimerbley owns a VERY beautiful white gold necklace.

Congratulations, Kimberley!
Sad that Hiew didn't get anything from it though... hahaa... no prize for the gentleman...
Better luck next time!


Near the end of the night, it was the 'slow dance session'..
I didn't get the date with the girl, but I got to dance with her, and it was fine enough for me.
I told her what I wanted to tell her; that I was fine now, that I could finally let her go, and that I decided to be just good friends with her.
And that was the closure of the most highlighted chapter of my whole life.


With the end of the old chapter and the progress of the new one, the next event came as a complete shock to me.
The girl had decided to not talk to me at all!
Blocked me on MSN, wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't reply my smses and e-mails...
I was practically panicking... She wouldn't tell me what was happening, why she was doing this, etc, etc.. I was practically desperate at the time...
I really lost myself at the time.... and said many things that I terribly regret saying to her in those smses...
I was hurt... lost... afraid... desperate... so I acted out of fear, I supposed.

This went on throughout most of the next day.... which was today... September 28th... which was also my birthday...
Happy Birthday? It sure didn't felt joyful...
I felt cold everywhere I went and whoever I met... I just couldn't get her off my mind...
Not that I am in love with her in that way.. I already told her over and over how much I still cared about her, like a little sister...
and to have someone, whom you care for so much, to do something like this to you, is terribly frightening...
I sent smses after smses.. but she never replied any of them...
It was until mid-afternoon that she finally sent me one sms, one sentence... telling me what she was doing...
Sigh.... it was such a huge relief that I think my mind shut down for a while cause of that... took me a while to just replied what I wanted to say...

Lil sis,

I'm sorry for being so selfish as-of-late. I don't want to bother justifying what I did, cause it won't change a thing. I'll just say that I did them cause I was being both selfish and caring at the same time. I don't know how you think that is possible, that's how I was acting at the time.

I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable and even suffocated cause of me.

As I promise, I won't bother you anymore. I'll give you the space that you want. I only want you to remember that I'll always be here if you ever need me.... And I'll be waiting til the time you finally feel more comfortable with me.

Take good care of yourself, all right?

tiang.

Anyway... back to my birthday...
after that relieving message... I felt so much better.
Besides that, had quite a good day minus that little event..
Smses came in wishing my 'Happy Birthday'...
Friends shouting 'Happy Birthday' at me... even on MSN...
And I received 16 testimonial on Friendster just wishing me 'Happy Birthday'...
haha... I don't often get such attention.. but it felt good to know they care...