My Nurvana rises...

I don know how to start this blog off...

Is this a new sense arising in me?
Has a new experience come unto me?
Have I found a whole new perspective to how I see my life?

I don know... I just feel........... something've changed inside me.
And heck, I just felt like talking about it!
But be warned... following this blog entry, there will consist of things that may seem offensive.
So I apologize beforehand if you do feel offended by my entry....



But this is me.
_________________________

Just earlier tonight I went to this, 'Night of Fire' concert that featured performances by the Planetshakers and Matt, who's a junior Pastor somewhere at Down Under...
For some of you that don't know... this was a Christian's sort of concert, to celebrate Jesus and give praise to Him and stuffs.
Don't get me mistaken! I was born a Buddhist, and I shall not celebrate or praise Jesus in any way, unless I got to convert myself to Christianity, which I doubt I'll do (anytime soon, if ever)...
I got to know of this concert from Kimberley. Initially, I didn't think so much about it.
However, as time drew closer to the concert, I suddenly felt the urge to go. A desire to witness it.
I wasn't so sure of why I would want to...

Was I intrigued by how Christians show their faith to their Lord, since I went to the Free2Be concert last month?
Or was it cause of that significant someone that was going there?
I wasn't sure of why this desire in me was there, but I decided to follow this intuition of mine.

At first, I feared I might not be able to make it, cause before I only knew Kimberley would be going, along with her brother Aaron, cousin Greg and friend Derek.
She couldn't offer me a ride to the concert. And I feared that I would not be allowed to drive to Mega Hotel for that event.
But then, I noticed that Fate or God had been pulling some strings in my favour that I never asked for.
The door that led me to this event opened to me when I was given the permission to drive for myself today.
I was quite looking forward to it too.

After having dinner at Fratini's Restaurant (near Court Mammoth) with my family, I drove off to Mega Hotel, went up to the 4th floor and to the Ballroom, where I was greeted by the sight of crowded people that included the concert's many committee members wearing black.
I entered the Ballroom, with an expectation no more than what I witnessed at the Free2Be concert.
I had initially planned to surprise Kimberley that I made it, but when I saw all of the crowd, I soon realised it wasn't going to work for me.
And indeed it didn't when Derek spotted me first.. haha!
Anyway, besides Kimberley, Derek, Aaron & Greg, there were a lot of others that I saw that I knew...
Michelle, Sabrina, Evangeline, Oiwoja, Azie, Giegel, Justin, and a lot more!

The concert started of with a few song performances by the music band from Australia, Planetshakers.
The songs sang at the time.... kind of struck something in me... I don know how... I don know why...
Then, I just felt that... something is different about this...
Then, Matt, the special speaker for the event, took over the microphone.
When he started his talk, that was when I realised something that I've not realised all this time.
The rest of the night, I felt something different in my thoughts. No words can explain what it was.... then again... I can barely explain what happened to myself.
During the concert, I felt I could trust the Almighty One more. That I could believe in It to guide me through my life and help me through my struggles.

Before, I questioned God and all whatever religions. I was never even into my own religion. I barely understood Buddhism. I never even knew what I was supposed to be praying about when in a temple.
Pray for fortune? Luck? Good health? A partner? My desires??
Before, I had this idea that God isn't as great or good as everyone believed It to be. That It never cared about our good or bad. That It only created us and watched what happened.
I even had the idea that God may have just created us for Its own entertainment. Watching the ups and downs of our variable lives.

Might it surprise you, though, that I do 'talk' to God?
However, I didn't talk to It like how those devoted religious people do.
I didn't close my eyes and lower my head and pray to It.
I didn't chant some mumbo jumbo stuffs to get connected with It.
I didn't do anything to feel Its presence.
All I did... was look straight up, and talk, like as if It's just right there... looking down at me.
I treated It like as if It was just any other human... except with an omnipotent power that is unmatched to anything human imagination can picture.
What did I 'talk' to God about?
............. Frankly anything that was on my mind and thought that It should hear it from my mouth.
My love life, how I should go on with my life, even how badly It was treating me..
I didn't treat God as my friend or my enemy. It was always on the line between that, maybe once in a while stepping a bit to one of the sides.


Recently, I got to realise, that I've not been 'talking' to God.
Then again... why would I?
I believed only I handle my life, neither God nor Fate.
I believed that I'll decide what I wanna do with my life. That I'll decide what was right and wrong for me. That I'll decide what was sin/bad karma/dosa. And that I'll decide my path of life.
Nothing and no one else will decide any of that for me. They can only effect my decision/s, not make them.
....... Maybe that's why I've been acting so... high of myself.
I thought what I have done was right and that it couldn't have been any wrong.
But I guess at some degrees... what I thought had its flaws.

During the concert, when Matt spoke of his talk... that something that struck me inside, made me realise all of this.
When I knew what I've realised, I decided to change my perspective.

"I need You more than ever,
I'm thristy for the touch of Heaven,
Jesus, don't passed me by."

That was one verse from one of the songs that were sang throughout the concert.
Without any motive to offend or anything... but I changed it a little for myself.

"I need You more than ever,
I'm thirsty for the touch of Heaven,
My God, don't passed me by."

When all the other Christians in the audience raised their hands to praise their Lord, I raised mine straight high up, my palm facing straight for the sky... in hopes to feel the sense of My God...
I would probably never know if It did reach for my hand, but I definitely felt the strain in my outstretched arm for being in the position for so long. But I kept holding it up anyway!

After the event, I didn't realise it immediately, but there was a sense of renewed energy coursing through me.
When I was in the bathroom for my shower, before I started, I stopped to 'talk' to My God.
I raised my hand as I did before and declared...

"I've never thought of You in that way.
I've never treated You in that sense.
But now I feel that I should and will.
You are the Almighty... the Omnipotent... the One...
You are My God."

That was basically what I declared...
Bathroom is one of the GREATEST places to rethink, reorganise your thoughts. Maybe i'll talk about that another time....

My God is no different from your God though. It isn't a new one, and I ain't starting a new religion or cult.
Cause, what I believe, everyone in the whole world worship the same ONE GOD, just that God was perceived differently by different cultures.
If it was not God Itself, that they were worshipping, then it must be of some relations with God Itself. Like Jesus, 'His' Son... Maybe Buddha was a nephew or another son of God..
Haha! I would never know!
Some of my beliefs never changed though.
Like the sin/bad karma/dosa of my belief, the ultimate one is still being inconsiderate of other living beings in this world.

I felt the renewed energy after my declaration.
I felt the change of perspective in my thought.
I felt the sign that things are definitely gonna change for me.
And that it'd be for the better.
I don't know how, or why..... but I just do.

Maybe that explains the urge before...
Maybe My God wanted this for me.
Maybe It wanted me to realise all this.
Maybe that's why It pulled some strings in my favour to come to this event.

Either way... this was the result.
This is the outcome.
This is me!