Think before you speak.. It might just be too embarassing..

Hahaha! Got this in my e-mail!
Haha... I know of friends who posted jokes in their blogs...
Well.. nothing personal or offence intended... but those jokes aren't that funny that you'd laugh your *TUT* off... Hahaha... kidding.

Anyway... What I'm posting is really funny... if you get the meaning behind some of them... Heheehe...
For those of you that MIGHT not catch the humor, I've underlined the relevent part of the embarrassment.
For the rest of you.... just ignore the underline... *wink*
Enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."


THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM! IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!



Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember...
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak.

CIC, Comedians In Coats

Haha... Came across video in Putfile.com... Very funny show!
OK ok... I created the name of this bunch myself... but hey, I needed something fo rthe title of this blog.. Hehe!

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Think anyone can help me by telling me how I can download this?
I still don know how to download videos from Putfile.com.

Worth reading...

A very nice story... was forwarded into my email by a good friend of mine, Rudi.
His subject title was 'Worth reading'... indeed I agree with that... very very much so.
Read, my fellow friends and readers & visitors that I may not be aware of.


Enjoy the story that is....

TOMMY - A True Story

John Powell, a professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked.

He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped. I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange... very strange.

Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a cynical tone, "Do you think I'll ever find God?"

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically.
"Why not," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out, "Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!"

He shrugged a little and left my class and my life. I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line --- He will find you! At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe.

"Tommy, I've thought about you so often.. I hear you are sick," I blurted out.
"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks."
"Can you talk about it, Tom?" I asked.
"Sure, what would you like to know?" he replied.
"What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?"
"Well, it could be worse."
"Like what?"
"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real 'biggies' in life."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under 'S' where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)

"But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, "is something you said to me on the last day of class." (He remembered!)
He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me. Then you said, 'But He will find you.' I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time.

(My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)

"But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God.

And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out.. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an after life, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: 'The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.' "

"So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I
approached him. "Dad."

"Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper.
"Dad, I would like to talk with you."
"Well, talk."
"I mean. . . It's really important."
The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?"
"Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that."

Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him.

"The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me."

"It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long.

Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to."

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give You three days, three weeks.' Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But the important thing is that He was there. He found me! You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that.

He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn't be half as effective as if you were to tell them."

"Ooh .... I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class."

"Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call. In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined. Before he died, we talked one last time.

"I'm not going to make it to your class," he said.
"I know, Tom."
"Will you tell them for me? Will you ... tell the whole world for me?"
"I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best."

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy, as best I could.


If this story means anything to you, please pass it on to a friend or two. It is a true story and is not enhanced for publicity purposes.


With thanks,

Father John Powell, SJ
Associate Professor
Loyola University in Chicago


Exercise daily -- Walk with the Lord!

Use your LEFT EAR when on the PHONE!!

ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES

(Click to enlarge image)

-

Please use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly.

This is a true fact from Apollo medical team.

Please forward to all your well wishers

Prayer and An Empty Chair

Yeah! Recently got to read this article in Friendster's Bulletin board, posted by my dear ol' friend, Diana.
However, I found the article not very neatly done...
So before reposting it, I rearrange the story in a neater and more comfortable for the eyes..... in my view anyway...
And I'm glad people read it and actually spread them too. Heheh!
Plus with the title that I named it... cause originally it just title 'The empty chair' by Diana..
Hehehe.... Anyway... Just thought to spread the story here too.
Very meaningful....
Do cherish your life and don't let worries burden you all the time...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man's daughter had asked the local pastor to
come and pray with her father.
When the minister arrived, he found the man lying
in bed with his head propped up on two pillows.

An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow had been
informed of his visit.

"I guess you were expecting me," he said.
"No, who are you?" said the father.
The minister told him his name and then
remarked, "I saw the empty chair and I figured you
knew I was going to show up."
"Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden
man. "Would you mind closing the door?"

Puzzled, the minister shut the door.

"I have never told anyone this, not even my
daughter," said the man. "But all of my life I have
never known how to pray. At church I used to hear
the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head."
"I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man
continued, "until one day four years ago, my best
friend said to me, 'Johnny, prayer is just a simple
matter of having a conversation with Jesus.

Here is what I suggest.'

He then told me 'Sit down in a chair; place an
empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus
on the chair. It's not spooky because he
promised, 'I will be with you always'. Then just
speak to him in the same way you're doing

with me right now.'

So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a
couple of hours every day. I'm careful though. If my
daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd
either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to
the funny farm."

The minister was deeply moved by the story and
encouraged the old man to continue on the
journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him
with oil, and returned to the church. Two nights
later the daughter called to tell the minister
that her daddy had died that afternoon.

"Did he die in peace?" he asked.
"Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he
called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me
and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from
the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there
was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over
and rested his head on the chair beside the bed.
What do you make of that?"
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said,

"I wish we could all go like that."

Just send this to four people or more,

and do not break this, please.

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
I asked God for water,
He gave me an ocean.
I asked God for a flower,
He gave me a garden.
I asked God for a friend,
He gave me all of YOU...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

FOWARD this if you think that this does earn a
credit or merit....
For God will bless you,if you agree with this statement. =)
Love Never Fails.... Somethings are left unsaid but understood.......



*CHERISH LIFE ____<@*

Love, in so many forms...

Got this in a forwarded e-mail. Shrugs.. it seemed interesting enough to spread.. haha.
I've added my own personal comment in curve brackets ( ).

Enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Article 1:
Statement of Love: THE KISS
(I won't say much here.. cause sounds pretty true to me..)

1. Kiss on the hand = I adore you

2. Kiss on the cheek = I just want to be friends

3. Kiss on the neck = I want you

4. Kiss on the lips = I love you

5. Kiss on the ears = I am just playing

6. Kiss anywhere else = lets not get carried away

7. Look in your eyes = kiss me

8. Playing with your hair = I can't live without you

9. Hand on your waist = I love you to much to let you go

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Article 2: The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him. (Get 'fresh'....?)

2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good. (Yet if a guy slaps a girl, it doesn't... That seems unfair...)

3. Guys & Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare (I'm definitely not gonna argue with this one!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Article 3: The Commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard. (Now... how hard is too hard?)

2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one. (What if she doesn't allow you to do that without permission?)

3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity. (Definitely take the opportunity to... Hahah!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:
(Spoken in the view of guys, it seems)

1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo

2. The way they call you after you just had a big fight

3. The way she says "let's not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....

4. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them

5. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"

6. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...

7. The way they fall into your arms when they cry

8. Then the way they apologize for crying over something silly

9. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt

10. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it!)

11. The way they say "I miss you"

12. The way you miss them

13. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore...

A light shines when the darkest time...

A touching story....
not my personal experience...
but nice to read...
A good lesson to be learned too.

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!"

He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

"Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began...

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.


Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture, you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.



God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.


Look for God in others.

Is this true for you??

-*-*-*ToTaL SiGnS oF fLiRtInG*-*-*-

*~*Guys*~*

1. She makes eye contact and smiles at you.

2. She hits you softly on the arm and laughs when you say something funny.

3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.

4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.

5. She says, "No, I'm not telling you who I like!" with a big smile on her face

6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seemingly interested.

7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends
and she is almost always next to you.

8. She criticizes you on a girl you like.

9. You catch her staring at you.

10. She plays with your hair or tries to put make up on you.

11. Her friends outside of school and in school know about you,
and says she talks about you a lot.

12. She knows your phone number and address.

13. She will try and talk, and spend time with you as much as possible



*~*Girls*~*

1. He stares at you a lot.

2. He hits you a lot. (just play hitting )

3. He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a conversation with you

4. He yelled, "Hi!", to your mom that day she picked you up from school.

5. He blew off his buds to go see "Run Away Bride" with you cuz you couldn't
get another girl pal to go and didn't want to go alone.

6. He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process

7. His voice gets softer ("Hey, you") when ever you two talk.

8. You hung up on him. He called you back.

9. You where invited by him to a group outing.

10. He called you to talk about nothing at all.

11. He imitates your laugh. OK, you do snort sometimes.
Which makes you laugh even harder.

12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation.

13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.

14. He every possible way to touch you (your hair, face, ass, thighs, ect.)

The Unsung Father....

One day. . .

When you were 8 years old, your dad handed you an ice cream.
You thanked him by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons.
You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old, he drove you all day,
from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.
You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car.
You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call.
You thanked him by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition,
drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm,
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding,
and he cried and told you how deeply he loved you.
You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him.
You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, he quietly died.
And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your heart.

If you love your dad, send this to as many people as u can.