Over a year has gone. HYBRID has recovered from his last fall after FATE’s game and has continued to set forth with his life; FATE still weaving Her obstacles for him and the ‘Demon of the Conscience’, ID still present and battling with him as he progressed.
How will his journey be from here onwards?



HYBRID smiles.

He’s looking forward to what’s ahead.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Teaser of a Lifetime

"I know I'm a little late for the party but I can sympathise with what you've written,
about "that" girl.

I'll say this, love doesnt just falls on one's lap aka "Belldandy Syndrome" aka
"Sitting on your ass for love to come to you".

For a relationship to even start, you have to fight for her attention. You are attracted
to her no doubt but as of now, maybe she's not to you. So it is now up to you to do
battle and convince her as to why you're worthy of her time.

Prove it to her, show her your sincerity, be the man. Fight hard enough and one day,
she might reciprocate those feelings. If not, at least you know you've made a
wonderful friend for life.

I fully believe that those who are the hardest to win over will ultimately yield the best
relationship in the long run.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck!
"
~ Comment by Anonymous to "A very short life chapter of mine..." (12/28/2005, 12:41 PM)


Thanks for the comment, Mr. Anonymous. Those were good advises that you gave me.
But I think you missed out on one detail.

She is NOT single.

She has a boyfriend already. I don't want any bad karma go my way from stealing somebody else's girlfriend.
I never did bother to blog about this, but there IS a definitely closure on this chapter that involved 'her'.
Allow me to tell you the WORST and most OBVIOUS teaser from Fate/God in the whole of my life so far.

The following day after that fateful third day that I've gotten to know her availability and fully confirming my 'crush at first sight' emotion...
........................................................................... She'd stopped working there.
I'm not too sure of why she'd end up stopping. I've only heard of a few things... that included... "Her boyfriend didn't want her to continue working here" and "She's now working as a teacher at a kindergarten".
Coincidence? I think otherwise.
Come on, it's a bloody teaser of sorts from God/Fate on me. Making fun of me and my cursed love life.
There are possible reasons for this 'teaser' that I've come to notice, but I won't mention due to the involvement of a fellow dear friend.
Besides as being an object of comparison and distraction... it was probably there to just tease me and to show me how love just eludes me at a time when I felt it was finally coming.
Honestly, I felt that I may have a chance with her... but was crushed at a mention of her boyfriend.
When she came across my life, I was at the stage of just waiting for love to seek for me instead... I was fed up with trying to seek love and failing painfully every time.
But after this bloody teaser, I fell worse... I now feel fed up with love itself.

I don't care what you guys say about 'love comes someday and you should be patient' crap... I've had enough from a certain two people.
Whatever they said, I shot back something that they could not counter back. I already did or currently doing all, if not, most of what they advised me to do.

"Learn to chase the ladies from those Korean love stories," a certain friend told me all the time.
Come on, dude. I don't even have a 'target' to begin with.
"Love will come to you someday. Maybe it's just not the time," something else mentioned to me.
Why do you think I'm planning to just 'sit and wait'?

Kuja of Final Fantasy IX, Pursuing the Future
Just for the record, I will still bloody 'sit down and wait'. If there is gonna be that someone in my life, she's gonna have to come to me first.
It's not to say that the girl needs to make the first move on me. Come on. I'm not some stuck up bastard that thinks girls will come and hit on me without me doing anything.
I still strongly view guys to making the 'first move' on girls, instead of the other way around.
But as I said, I'll just sit and wait til then. Til when a girl comes along and captures my attention.
I don't know when that's gonna be though... and bloody hell don't wanna think of that.
Just let me live my life as normal as I always did. And hope I'd experience the life of being in a relationship someday soon.


Sigh.... having a creative and imaginative mind is somewhat a gift.... and a curse indeed.
The gift... you can imagine all sort of nice scenarios and what you can do that might get the girl's attention.
The curse.... even when you know the girl has no interest in you in any way besides a friend, your mind just thinks up of all sorts of possbilities for you ending up being with the girl...
...The boyfriend is abusive and their relationship is on the brink of breaking.
...The girl was just playing along with the others, saying that she has a boyfriend.
...Somewhere in the future, they'll break up and you'll be there for her.
All sorts of possibilities come into mind.
There's even one particular scenario in my mind that just keeps bugging me... Reason is, cause I like the idea of how it goes.
I am even thinking of using it to write a short story with it. Maybe I'll keep that idea to myself til then.
Though, I'll just say this, this particular scenario doesn't involve me getting together with the girl in the end.

I honestly still do think about her.... once a while as I work at my aunt's place. She just pops by in my head every now and then... cause of her involvement at where I work.
Though I don't feel that feeling anymore... I can barely remember her face well anymore.
Oh yeah.. why not sms? cause I never got her phone number before. Her friend is not even sure she has a mobile phone.
Shrugs... God/Fate never intended her to be in my life for more than those three days. So be it.
Everything happens for a reason... no?

Friday, December 23, 2005

Quo Shu at Swan City, Sibu

Ready to rumble?
As some of you know, I was gone last weekend. I went off to Sibu with my aunt, cousins, a few friends and my Wushu coach.
They invited me to join them as they go there to compete in a Wushu competition. I, of course, could not possibly join to compete. I've been out of practise/training for over half a year!! wait... possibly even a year now!!!

Anyway... we left on Friday noon by bus... fricking 7 hours ride there... with 3 stops along the way.
Man... just sitting still there can make you feel so exhausted. The bus ride was not very comfortable... very not good for my easily aching body... sigh.
Was so glad when the bus finally reached Sibu's bus station.
Turned out that we would be taken care of by the organising committee members of the competition for most of our time there.
When we arrived, we were greeted by some of the members. We were provided transports to go to the place we'd be staying for the time.. Eden Inn.
oh.. by the way, we left Miri at around noon, and arrived Sibu at about 7 or earlier.
once at the inn, we dropped our stuffs in our rooms and then immediately went off to join a dinner function at a nearby restaurant, where the rest of the Wushu committee and competiting teams were already.

Looking at the number of people that were gonna be involved in the competition, my cousins and friends kept joking about the pressure they were already feeling and not wanting to join the competition anymore.
The people in my Wushu group, my cousins and friends, weren't that great. They started over a year or two only, and had only experienced one competition in Miri and none at all for one of my cousins.
So it was understandable why they'd think that way.
But the coach clearly said, this competition was more for experience than medals. If we can win some, that's good, but if not, it's all right as long as you got to experience the heat of the competition.

Anyway, back to the function, the main organising committee had the usual welcoming speeches for all of us, while we were given our food.
After the speeches, they went on with their so-called 'happy hour'... with karaoke singing.
Man, was the table next to ours noisy.... make that.... tables...
There was a large group of guys, a few Wushu 'clans' that were close friends, make such ruckus that night... ruckus as in cheers, whistles and claps... man... could've probably gone deaf if they kept it up.
The few 'clans' were from Kuching and Brunei, I think. Not too sure.
They cheered and clapped for some of those that went up to sing... their fellow mates or those very senior committee members, including one very old man that could pass as one of those wise old Kung Fu masters you see in those martial arts movies.... white long beard and all... haha!
After the function, the committee members actually decided to have all of us walk back to our hotels/inns. I didn't mind and so were many of the others too.
It was kinda messy, but we all got back to our hotels/inn without trouble with the help of our guides, who were four of those committee members.

Our coach had actually wanted my cousins and friends to run through their wushu styles a few times before all of us going to sleep at 10pm to prepare for the competition that started immediately the next morning at 8am.
But we only reached back in our rooms after 10pm. Taking our turns to shower and some of them practising their Wushu styles, definitely it'd be at least an hour.
By the way, there were four males and five females of us. Two rooms were booked for us. So the boys, including our coach, slept at one room, while the girls, including my aunt, slept at the other room, just the one after to ours.
Both rooms had a pair of double beds, so it just suited our number of boys. The ladies had moved their beds right next to one another to accomodate for one more person.... but were greeted by a whole lot of dust bunnies under the bed.
Speaking of which, we had quite a few troubles that first night....
First off was the air-conditioner in the girls' room. It wouldn't turn on. When asked the innkeeper, turned out the switch to turn on that air-conditioner was not turned on, down at the main counter of the inn.
Next were those dust bunnies. As suggested by my aunt, I actually went down to borrow a broom from them to clean the place up.
After that was done, the shower in the girl's room suddenly burst after one of my friends was done and wouldn't stop pouring. The innkeeper got to call a regular plumber and good thing, the problem was settled quite quickly that night.

K. Woke up at 6am and we prepared to leave soon. The committee members would be picking us up to the competition venue by 7.30am. The place was at a large hall in a school compound, Sacred Heart Secondary School (though I'm not too sure if it's just a secondary school)
We were the first ones to arrive there, but turned out the hall was not even opened yet. So had to wait for a while. While waiting, my aunt and I walked to the nearby shophouses to look for a coffee shop to buy some breakfast for all of us.
Urgh... made a bad choice of either the shop or the food ordered. Wasn't nice at all and most of us couldn't finish them... sadly... Maybe it was the way we HAD to eat those noodles...
Miri is somewhat better when it comes to taking away food. They provide those white boxes and at least that disposable chopsticks and spoons.
Sibu, they have the food placed in plastic bags and they didn't even have those disposable spoons. It was very charming.... I guess it encourages people to eat at the shop than takng it elsewhere.
So.. imagine a small plastic bag of noodles that's already been left long enough to wrap itself up like a tight ball. Now imagine how you'd have to eat them without any sort of utensils. Not very enjoyable.

Anyway, the competition went on with a little slow start, cause I supposed punctuality was not abide that morning, but whatever. We had a looong day ahead as there were a lot of categories that were scheduled to take place that day alone.
There were also a lot of participants... and all of them, except my group, were very experienced and most of them performed very beautifully.
Some of them easily scored an average score above 8 (out of 10). though their scores got there cause of their past experiences in such competitions... it's like their level in Wushu.
My group didn't stand much chance against them all. Most of the time, our averages were just around 7.0 - 7.5 only, while not many of them got less than 7.5 even.

Though I was there not as a participant, turned out I had my use for that competition.. as a cameraman.
My coach had a video camera that he taught me basically how to operate the night before.
I was to record the performances of my cousins and friends, and also some of those other participants that did very well.
Man, I wish I can put in a few videos of those really good ones.
Amongst them, was this one little girl. Man, when she first performed, she completely blew us. There were also a number of young kids in the competition, besides her, and they all did reasonably excellent. But amongst them all, she performed the best, in my view.
She was with the clan from Kuching... the clan that had the most members in the competition and most of them very experienced. They practically swept the competition in all the categories that they were in.

Speaking of the best, let me embarass one of my friends... haha.
Man, he performed reasonably ok in the beginning, but soon he lost himself to nervousness. Haha!
He actually paused in the middle of his performance for the longest of time!!
It was like as if he was lagging over there like you do in the first-person shooter game, Counterstrike!
In the end, he skipped a few steps and proceeded to finish his performance... whcih still lagged a few times along the way... HHAHA!

Anyway, after the day was finally done, we all felt pretty exhausted... which reminds me.. man, during the opening ceremony, after the guest of honor had finally arrived later that morning, he gave one of the longest speeches I can remember... sigh...
If it was in a language I could comprehend well, I wouldn't have been as bored.... but it was in Chinese... which practically everyone knows I am terrible at!!
During his speech though, the girls actually were able to make a few new friends from the other clans... haha.

Anyway, after the day's competition, we waited for our ride back to the inn... as it turned out, we may have been the first to the place, but we were the last to leave too.. sigh...
Had our dinner at the restaurant at the ground floor of the small inn. It was pretty all right.
After that, back to our rooms... some practised their styles while I chatted with my aunt about ghosts and such... hehe...
Man! In the middle of our conversation, suddenly an eerie, horror sort of music echoed in the room! Shocked me, my aunt and one of my cousins that was still awake at that time. Then I realised... 'Wait... I heard that music before....'
It was one of my friends' handphone ringing... Her mother was calling.... My friend actually had a horror music be the ringtone for her mother!!
Reason why I've heard that music before was cause she told us about it earlier that day...

Ninjas of the Sand from 'Naruto'
The second day of the competition, the last, was definitely gonna be shorter than yesterday... cause they were less categories to compete now. Took some more recordings that day... and again, my friend I mentioned earlier embarrassed himself, though he managed to finish his performance still... haha.
After the closing ceremony, we got back to the inn about noon time and had a change of clothing or shower to prepare to go out to do some shopping somewhere... hehe.
Man, when we got back at the inn, it's like our coach had a change of personality... before he was like... all business and only joked around... after the competition was finally done... the gloves went off....
We had pillow fights, we pile-up on one another, he pulled some pants down, etc... hahaa....

Anyway... A friend of my cousin's in Sibu came and brought us to a mall, Everrise. Man... it's such a crowd, plus with the rain outside
I mostly visited the VCDs/DVDs/Game shops... I had nothing much to window shop for....
Man, the cds sold there are a few ringgits cheaper, but were of worse qualities than the ones in Miri...
At least, in Miri, there aren't the silhoutted figures of people moving in the cinema... sheesh...
Anyway, couple of hours later, 4.30pm, headed back to the inn to prepare to go out to another dinner function. This time it's at the different restaurant, and with more guests.
The restaurant ain't great at all... though it had the usual classy Chinese restaurant resemblance.... red table cloths, large round tables, a large stage, chinese paintings and even their own DJ. but then you'd notice... the plastic chairs like those from the street coffee shops, disposable wooden chopsticks, dirty old spoons and plates...
The food is all rihgt though... though not that great...
Hhehehe... speaking of food... we actually played 'Paper-Rock-Scissors' and had the punishment to eat what's on the dish... to finish practically every last piece that remained in the plate.
Hahaha... it was fun and exciting.. especially when everyone is like so stuffed.

ok.. after the dinner function and back at the inn, some of us decided to went to the nearby park to have a look around and take some photos... the park was decorated with lightings, Christmas banners and a large lit tree, and it also had a large statue of a Swan, surrounded by little statues of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals. It was quite beautiful there.
We even had ice-cream at the cafe that was placed right there... quite an enjoyable cold night....
After getting back to the inn, I went to shower.... and then joined the coach with a couple of my friends to play a card game of 'Big 2'..... and we played all the way til 4.30am.. hahah!
It was fun... and the coach was the first to fall.... well.. guess it's understandable as he's been busy the last few days... while taking care of us too...

We slept for a few hours til 9 in the morning... showered and then had breakfast, before we had to go to the bus station... sent off by the familiar committee members...
and then another 7-hour ride back to Miri, plus three stops.... haha... passed the time by playing 'Big 2' again.. hahaa... Needed to do a lot of adjustments... but finally got to play the game comfortably....
Man... the first ride was very uncomfortable... the second was worse.... I actually felt sick onboard and and one point, I felt like vomitting.... urgh.... might've been a bad can of milo that I drank along the way....
Thankfully, with a bite of a medicinal sweet my friend had, I started feeling better.

Sigh... so there's my time at Sibu.... minus the comparisons between Miri and Sibu...it's been quite fun for me there...
No worries... Nothing to bother so much but the Wushu competition... constantly with friends.... it was a fun time there...
After watching all those participants, it made me wanna continue practising Wushu again... and so I am... though very painfully... my body's so out of shape....
anyway... that's basically all for this post... til the next one!

Friday, December 09, 2005

A very short life chapter of mine...

Haha... as if it's that easy to score..
It's been a long time since I udpated my blog... and I'm still very lazy to, honestly..
but today, I just felt like talking about something that I got to experience recently...

You know how it works... love at first sight..
A man encounters a woman for the first time ever and feels a sudden burst of attraction towards her, or vice versa.. or both at once, if they're lucky.
But there's always that question or doubt to that... "Is it ever possible?"
I know of some friends that don't believe in 'love at first sight'...
Personally, I don't exactly disbelief it or disapprove of its chances of happening... though most of the time, I disapprove the ones in many movies, films, shows, etc...
and... I really believed that it'd never happen to me...

I always thought that I'd only get attracted to a girl that I've gotten to know well for a long while... at least one week (including constant meeting up during that time)..
That's what I noticed in all my past crushes... I've known them all for a while before I actually felt that feeling of attraction to them.
But... this time, God just HAD to have it different for me for once.... I don know.. as teaser or something?

As most of you probably already know, I've been working at my aunty's t-shirt manufacturing store for the past two weeks, including this one.
I'm getting the hang of it already and am quite enjoying myself there... and honestly, even more so in the past three days (including today)...
That's also the time that she joined us to work for the first time... at least.. the first time that I've seen her work there.
She came in with the daughter of her mother's friend who works there... that friend of hers also came in to work there from the start of this week and I was not at all acquinted with her during that time.
But when that girl joined us... things kind of... changed for me.

Usually, when I work there, I'd be terribly quiet and reserved most of the time... the quiet hardworking worker.
I barely even opened my mouth during work and the other full-time workers there (though I've worked with them before) were probably scared to talk to me or something... haha.
When she came in... she kind of... cracked my shell...

On the first day that she came in, I didn't realise it.. but I was feeling somewhat attracted to her... even though she started off as a very timid and quiet person... constantly with that friend of hers I mentioned earlier. (I actually thought they were classmates or something... boy, how mistaken I was)
I don't know.. I guess somehow I found her quite pretty. Shrugs...
The first day went on as my work there usually would... nothing much..
The second day, it was about the same thing... except I felt myself wanting to get to know her...
We got to talk and know one another... Se actually was the one that broke the ice... haha! I just continued smashing it to bits.
By the end of the day, I found that am getting attracted to her... but I was still in doubt of myself... I refused to believe that it'd just happened to me...
The third day, today... I was honestly looking forward to work.
You should be able to understand that feeling.. of wanting to get to know of someone you like more..
I definitely can dare confirm it was love at first sight for me.... though [b]crush at first sight [/b]should be a more fitting term.

OK ok.. Don't go getting your hopes up now. I suspect a few of you might go, 'Go for her, dude!' or something like that... (Not being 'perasan'/overly sensitive about myself, alrite.. I know of a few friends who actually thought of hooking me up with someone... )
Why would I say that?
Well.. on a few accounts...
one, I've only gotten to know her like less than three days...
two, she's most probably not interested in me...
and third......................................................................
.......................
.................. the main reason.............................
..........................................
....................................................................................she's not single.
Hehe... overheard her and some others talking about it and a mention of 'her boyfriend'.
Honestly, I felt quite depressed when I finally got to confirm her 'availability'... haha.

But hey, I told myself 'What's the point?'...
As if she was ever interested in me in that way... No girl ever was/is...
She is a nice girl though... that's for sure.
I really enjoy getting along with her as we work. And it's been fun as I'm being more out of my shell now at work... maybe with a little influence of knowing the workings there.
Now I know that friend of hers more too. And we get to talk, laugh, joke as we work.. haha.

Naruto - chasing, living, loving, desire... but now I'm FALLEN
I've got to think to myself while I was in that 'depressed' moment.... about me and love... about crush at first sight... about the type of girls I like...
First off... love and me just never seem to ever agree.. and love is just somewhat... walking out on me...
Hmph.. maybe I should stop with the patience and start playing around or something... Really growing tired of this 'love games'...
Then about crush at first sight... as my very short life chapter has proven to me... it is very much possible to suddenly feel attraction to someone whom you just met for the first time...
though I still very much doubt the ones that happen in movies, films, shows, stories... they're all, after all, meant to play with our fantasies and imagination and every day envies of life.
And there's the thoughts about the type of girls I like...
Roger has always been bugging me about making criterias for the type of girl I wanna be with...
Although I told him, I don't have any actual criterias... it wasn't true..
It was more like.. I didn't have a clear idea of my criterias..
Now I've gotten to identify some of the main ones that often comes into mind...
Some would include:

- long hair... minimum near shoulder length. I somewhat enjoy
the sight of a girl's hair. It kind of.. shows off the beauty and the
feminine in the girl.
- not fat... I have to state this... with no intent to offend though.
It's just that I'm only attracted to girls that are not fat in my view.
Reason being, I tend to associated feminine with thinness (though it
needn't be really that thin)
- a feminine personality/behaviour, I find a girl that has obvious feminine
traits as very attractive.
- easy to get along with... friendly and open-minded, basically. I
like to be able to just talk anything with her.
- should know more of Chinese than me... cause like my parents, my mother
knows how to read chinese better than my dad. And in my case, I don't know
Chinese a heck of a lot!


Those are some of the highest amongst my criterias.. since I'm not sure of any others for the time being...
Well... with that said and done with.. I've a few people to inform about this blog, since I told them about it through MSN while writing this.. hahaha.