I feel sad and very upset...

Haha... funny.. just a few hours ago.. I thought today was going to be fine...
then.... just about ten minutes or more earlier.. I just got to realise something...
and that quite shot my mood down...

Well... in Friendster... when browsing through the testimonials of some people...
I realised that some of them never wrote me one... and yet are quite close friends with me...
which.. kind of made me sad....
it felt like as if... I had never existed in their lives.... (over-exaggeration most probably)
some people... I know them well.. yet.. couldn't write a testimonial that made me feel like... I had some impact in their life.... or at least made me feel like our friendship had meant something... or maybe it had some value... even if just a little...

Sigh... I don't know.. I guess I'm one that likes to have some attention from others.. particularly my friends.. and ESPECIALLY those close to me...
at least... get to know what they'd thought of me during the time I had been with them.... just to see what effect and image I was having on others...


Maybe I'm just jealous.... no.. I probably am.... that others had been given the attention that I yearned and should've earned....
I feel sad....

ok.. some of you (familiar with Friendster) might ask.. 'Why not just ask your friends to write you a testimonial then, stupid?'
Well... this is what I think...
If I did that.. they might add that little detail into their testimonial...
and that's the thing I hate... It makes me feel like I'm forcing them to... like as if I made them do something out of their own free will....

Doggone it!! I look fine outside... but I'm probably crying inside... Sh*t! I hate this!!

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Since I'm talking about something sad.. my as well talk about some other things that I'm quite upset about...
Mainly the comments that I heard saying that I'm a proud show-off....
Sh*t bah! And mostly it's by those who I don't even know!!
Sheesh.... I so hate this...
I heard from my mother that my cousin who told her that some people say I am (said above)...
and one of the reasons my mother mentioned was I went around to ask for charity donations from the same people more than once...
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT!!? SH*T LAH!
This I can't be sure but I think my mother said that my cousin said it was some of my friends...
that REALLY hurt me... I knew of some old friends from my high school that were studying at Curtin as well...
some not so close.. and I worry so much that it might've been them... D^MN IT!
Really.. really... would hurt me to think that it was them....

Sh*t lah... I don't know... that charity donation thing...
I got to ask many people more than once for donation because I can't remember everybody's face bah...
Don't they realise that? Have they never thought to consider MY side of the story!?

This isn't just in Curtin... back during National Service...
To be truthful... I had been able to make quite a popular reputation of myself during the NS...
and that was probably one of the reasons for this to happen...
I can still remember... I'm just walking back to the hostel..
when I walked passed some people.. who I don't know or don't recognise...
When I walk passed them... they muttered to each other.. "Eh! Sombong!"


What the!? What did you expect!! That I can remember 600++ faces of EVERY trainees that was in the same camp as me!!!
If I don't wave 'Hello' to them... they say that I'm a show-off.. or 'hidung tinggi'...
then they'll think that I've made myself popular so I looked down on them.. like those stereotyped cheerleaders you see in those western movies about high school teenagers....
(When I said 'they' or 'them', I didn't meant everyone in the same NS group as me..)

I still recall some comment they made of my NS camp leader... who was a trainee himself...
He was a nice fellow... He said 'Hi' to me some times when we see each other... even though we weren't even close friends...
but then.. I heard people talk behind him..
"You know.. before he used to be so friendly... When we saw him, he would say 'Hi' to us.. Now.. when see us, he don't do that... Become show off already..."
Sh*t ah...


Some people.. no... make that... MANY people... always make comment/s on other people... just from their point of views...
Do they do their comments in consideration of the other side? Not all of them at least...

.... Thinking about consideration of other people... makes me recall back that particular sketch I created for the Orientation night... at the end of the Orientation Week..
I recall.. adding in this particular line... (not the exact words)
"No matter what sex you are, always remember.. We should never be inconsiderate of everyone else's feelings. We're all humans. We're all homo..."
ok.. some of you probably know what the rest is.. haha...
anyway... yeah.. I purposely added that line.. not only because I thought I should add a lesson into the *coughhilariouscough* sketch...
but at least.. maybe make some people realise how important consideration for other people is...
It was also then that I really got to notice how important it was...

If Christians have sins and Muslims have dosa.... then one of the top major ones (of either) for me would be being inconsiderate of other living beings.... (by the way.. I'm Buddhist...)


Well... actually.. I'm feeling better now... cause got to chat with Nadia & Azie while I was writing this..
something to get my mind off this... haha...

Wow... this blog entry has the most of those little pictures or icons in it...
hahaa... like as if I brought out the big gun or something... Haha...