Story of My Life

"I need to talk to somebody.."

"Hmm?" Gero's eyebrows shot up with curiousity at the sudden break of the silence. "What's on your mind?"

"A lot..."

"Ooo... k.." Gero muttered a tone of both suspicion and concern. "What happened?"

"I feel like such a loser..." Caz said, burying his face in the palms of his hands.

"Calm down," Gero said while placing an arm over Caz's shoulder, trying to comfort him a little. "Tell me about it."

"You know most of my story already."

"It's about her again, huh?" Gero asked, with a hint of confidence in his words.

Caz just nodded before continuing, "I thought I was over her. I thought I could start treating her like any other friend..."

There was a pause. Gero made not a sound. That was because from the look of Caz's face, he knew he was not done yet.

"Guess I've just been pretending..." Caz finally continued where he left off. "Been lying to myself... Lying to her.. The love is still there... lingering somewhere. I don't know how to get rid of it."

Gero just sighed. He could somewhat understood his best friend's predicament. It was kind of... common; something you usually get to watch and witness in those drama series or romance teen movies.

"Stay cool, dude," Gero just patted Caz's shoulder. "Falling out of love is usually hard. You'll make it some day."

Caz just kept silent. Gero noticed the aimlessly wandering of his eyes. It was obvious that Caz was thinking otherwise. Caz just stayed silent for a while. Gero just waited for his response.

"Why is it so hard for me this time...? It never happened this way with my past crushes..." Caz finally spoke. "Am I that desperate to be in a relationship?"

"Hmm..." Gero thought for a moment, but was quick to come up with a reply. "That is possibly one reason... But then again, it just might be that you really fell for her. I don't blame you. I once fell for her too, remember?"

Caz didn't reply. He didn't need to. Caz and Gero were best friends after all. They practically knew each other like they were each other's diary.

"She's with somebody now. Unlike in the past, this time it really burnt... bad," Caz said.

Gero just shifted his eyes to look at his depressed friend. Sound real serious this time.

"It's like... the third time already," Caz continued. "First crush... had a boyfriend when I still liked her. Second one... had a boyfriend soon after I decided to stop."

Gero continued to listen. A good listener allows the speaker to finish his points before finally speaking.

"The first one was easy for me to get over. With a little of difficulty, but surely enough, it was gone quick. The second one, it stung a little. And now I'm experiencing that same feeling, but worse."

Caz spoke in a slow and soft voice; a voice that screamed of sadness and depression. It was very unlike him, Gero thought. Caz was usually the happy-go-lucky sort. He was nearly always in smiles. He was always cheery when with his friends. He sometimes seemed like there was not a worry in the world for him. Even when things seemed bad, he would be the one to try and cheer up everyone.

"This feeling... This feeling of jealousy... I don't want it," Caz shook his head, while slowly pulling his outstretched legs into his arms. "I don't want it..."

"I don't want it.." he repeated again, this time, he sounded like busrting into tears!

"I DON'T WANT IT!!" he screamed a little before burying his face between his knees and his hands gripping at his hair roughly. "I don't want it.."

Gero reached with his other hand and hugged the curled up Caz, trying to give as much comfort as he could at the moment.

"I don't love her anymore.... I don't! I don't love her anymore!! So stop bothering my freaking mind!!" Caz was shouting now, scolding himself.

"Calm down, Caz" was all Gero could come up with to try to calm the now crying Caz down.

Sobbing and sniveling sounded constantly for a minute or two as Caz tried to calm himself down.

"I never had a girlfriend before. Even you had one before," Caz spoke, sniveling or sobbing once a while as he did. "I always wanted to have one. I wanted to know how it feels to fall in love with a girl and start a relationship with her. It must be such a wonderful thing, I'm sure."

Caz continued, "All the smiles, happiness of having and knowing someone loves you so dearly. Being able to be so close and intimate with another, whom you love so much. All those challenges of a relationship people talk about.. I'd take them on without any fear whatsoever!"

"I'm such a loser. All the time, everywhere I go, I'd see a couple; holding hands, hugging each other, leaning face to face. I always thought of how lucky they were. I want all that. I want to have someone to love and who'd love me too, someone to hold close and never have to let go, someone who'd hold me and make me feel secure and loved, someone I could care so much for and who'd do the same for me."

"I'm always feeling so lonely... I-I don't like this feeling..." Caz continued his story. "Why have I not found that someone who'd be the one for me..? Why?? I've been complimented as an attractive guy, a caring guy that girls would love, a type of guy that girls would look for."

"Yet, that has never proved to be true. No girls ever fell for me. No girls ever told me that they liked me more than just a friend. There was never even a RUMOUR of a girl liking me!" Caz exclaimed, before he stopped talking for a while.

"I'm jealous," Caz spoke again, "I'm so jealous of him, the guy she's with now. She's such a wonderful girl; a girl that boys would envy to have as his girlfriend."

Caz just shook his head, "I don't know how to form words to describe how special this girl is. I feel so sad and disappointed... that I am never given a chance to be with her. Only little false signs of hope. She never loved me. She never thought of me in that way. No girls ever did.. and most likely... never will either."

"I wanna feel happy for her, happy that she's found someone who's able to make her so happy. I probably would've never been able to do that.... make her happy. I'm such a worthless guy, a loser. No girl is ever gonna liked me in that sense." Caz shook his head slowly. "I don't know how to feel happy for her, Gero. My smile feels fake now. I don't like that. I don't want to show her false smiles..."

"..." Gero was silent.


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Gero is speechless and doesn't know what to say so that Caz would feel better and possibly be able to feel happy for that 'girl'.
What would you say if you were Gero at that time?