Save me from my jealousy..... PLEASE~!

Sigh... krud.... ('krud' an old something I used to say like 'cheh' or 'sheesh', probably not the right spelling..)

this month had been one hell of a month... busy week before busier weeks!
Last week was a testimony to that..
Two due reports to do... and one presentation to prepare for...
Plus with Student Council and Curtin Volunteers!, every hour of that week had been filled and I was on campus from early morning til late at night!!
thankfully... by Friday, with one of the assignments postponed its due date, and the other two settled... I was pretty laid back and relieved...

My presentation was for Engineering Communications 100.
I was to present together with my group, OJ, Wani, Victor & Jenny, about 'Non-Verbal Communications'..
While preparing for our presentation, we had a number of trouble.. one annoying one is that one of our members is often not there, cause he couldn't be there... sigh...
On Wednesday was our presentation... Good thing the class was in the evening and that it is the only class that all of us had..
So we spent the whole day practising for our presentation.

honestly.. I was acting real calm during these practises and kind of scored well with my presentation... (since I got the easiest part of the presentation, only the introduction and conclusion)...
but when came the presentation.. I was so nervous... suddenly lost all of my cool! AHHH!!!!
Even Victor said he saw my hands shaking while clicking on the mouse... haha!
Gathered some of my cool back for the conclusion though.. phew.... but..,... sigh...... kinda spoilt the beginning flow of our presentation cause of my nervousness.... =(

anyway... coming up soon for me... Student Council 2006 Elections and Curtin Volunteers!'s John Curtin Charity Month (JCCM)... Sigh...
I am involved in the dancing for the upcoming JCCM launching day (which is on this coming Thursday) and I am also the project coordinator for a trip to a longhouse.
The last three nights been involved in dance practises...

First night wasn't much... still in planning and stuffs... plus for a matter of fact, I just came across the dance practise by accident....
Second night was the usual sort of dance practises... practise after practise... but dance steps were still under-choreographing...
the next day was a Saturday (yesterday).... after a CV! meeting to make clear of the events to happen for this year's JCCM, and lunch at Deli Papa's... we had a dance practise for practically 7 HOURS!!
my gosh... while the other boys (Iqbal, Roger, Idzuan, Lionel, & Ian) only learned three complete dances... I learned an extra one.... -_-
Everyone was so tired yesterday.... extremely tiring..... thanks to that Sumazou dance... sigh..

Student Council Elections for the year 2006 is nigh....
With the end of the semester night too..
I'll be so damned....


sigh......
besides my study life... and my 'work' life..... there's that personal life part again...
damn it.......
I don know if I wanna talk about it here....
I perasan too much ke? Or is it indeed happening that way...?
damn it... all this bothering thoughts.... and all started from that one STUPID dream this morning...
honestly... if it weren't for the dream.. I probably would've continued sleeping til afternoon...

My God stop doing this to me....
I don want to keep feeling jealous like this...
I risked a few friendships cause of it....
I nearly lost one so-special friendship cause of it.....
I don't want to go through this....
I want it to be over and I want to not see our friendship in that way again!!
I don want............ I really.. don want.....
Tried as much as I may.... but that jealousy just keeps coming back to taunt me...
mock me.. tease me... kick me while I'm down.....

Please, My God...
I'm too weak to raise my hand to try and reach for your power......
I need strength....
I want to be happy.... and not be weighed down by jealousy.....
I don want to feel like I've lost one of the most dearest friends I've ever had.......

Please....
Show me a light....
Within this dark mist that my jealousy has left me surrounded in...


Please....... My God... somebody.... help me...